and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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