how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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