That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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