Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
