Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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