Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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