I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
