I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
