the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
