He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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