im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Dignity is for republicans.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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