bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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