got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
