So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
