Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
