After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
