Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The air was thick with penises
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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