was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize