there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
