you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
