I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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