I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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