If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
