i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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