the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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