I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
