her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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