Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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