it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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