Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
