oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
