If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a burrito and a hug.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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