3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
