There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
either way he was missing a nipple.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
