who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
