My friends, they love my intelligence
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
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you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
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Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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