Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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