he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
