I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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