There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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