Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
