i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
