just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
