I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
