It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
