I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
