i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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