fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
