Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
