so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Life is so much better after having sex.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
