I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
