I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
