i already hear my dad disowning me
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
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he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize