You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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