They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
