Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
