Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
