It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
