OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
