We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
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