Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
