everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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