Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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