I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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