dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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