I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
